I have put Finn to bed tonight, just as I have every night for almost 15 months. But for the past three days I’ve kissed him goodnight without a breastfeed first. I think – sob – my breastfeeding days are over.
I’m feeling really emotional about it and twice tonight thought about giving my baby one last feed. You know, for the last time. EVER.
But I had to be strong. I let my rapidly growing boy happily gulp down his sippy cup of cow’s milk, gave him a squeeze and (multiple) kisses and put him in his cot. He was out like a light.
He doesn’t need it anymore. He is happy with his sippy cup and has gradually weaned off day breastfeeds over the last few months. He loves his food. I don’t think he really even noticed as I put him down for day naps without a feed first. It’s me who has found it hard to let go.
Millie was weaned at almost exactly the same age. It was tough to stop then, but this time it’s twice as hard. We’re not going to have any more children and so this is it forever. I’m so many things right now. Sad, proud, tired, elated. I’m thrilled that I was able to breastfeed both my children for so long. Some mums want to and can’t. I realise I’m one of the lucky ones.
My breastfeeding journey was pretty straightforward. I never suffered from mastitis, low supply, cracked nipples or any other drama that causes you or your baby pain and anguish. It was no means easy though and I persisted through tears to learn how to feed Millie, who arrived after emergency C-section a month before her due date.
It was different with Finn, who tried to feed only minutes after he was born. He was placed on my chest and we had a go almost straightaway. My milk hadn’t come in but I knew we’d get there.
As time went on my biggest problem was finding bras to cover my (already ample) boobs while providing the support you need when you have a couple of zeppelins full of milk attached to your chest. A first world problem, sure, but a problem nonetheless when you have a newborn baby and already feel frumpy in oversized nursing tops.
But I managed to nourish my babies for more than 14 months each. That’s well over two years of breastfeeding. Top effort, Nat. I just read that’s it’s World Breastfeeding Week too, so what a time to go out, hey?
Expect to see me this weekend in Myer’s lingerie department, shopping up a storm. Nothing else will cheer you up quite like shopping for new underwear.