Tomorrow is my first Mother’s Day. Yay. I had my almost Mother’s Day last year, but despite the big bump, I didn’t really feel like a mummy yet.

I don’t plan for tomorrow to be any different to any other day. But I love the fact that the day celebrates all mums – and this year I’m one of the lucky mums who gets to give kisses and cuddles to their child and relish the chance to be appreciated and loved.

But in equal measure, I’m dreading it.

My own mum won’t be here.

Jo-Anne, Millie’s beautiful grandmother and my darling mum, died after a relatively short battle with cancer in August 2010.

Mum and mini me, 1979

She missed my wedding day and the birth of my precious baby girl. And as much as I love and enjoy Christmas, Easter and birthday celebrations, those happy events are also tinged with absolute sadness.

It’s not fair.

Mum was the kindest, most selfless and caring person I’ll ever know.

She brought up my brother and I on her own and always put her children first. She made sure we never missed out on anything, even if it meant going without herself.

She’s the one person I wish could have walked me down the aisle and been there to help welcome little Millie Jo-Anne into the world.

I’d ask mum for advice on everything – from which shoes to buy to career choices.

It’s been tough to go on with life as a wife and mother without her guiding hand. I wouldn’t second-guess some of my choices if she was here to reassure me that it’s the right thing to do.

Jodes (that was what my brother and I called her – long story) was my best friend.

I can only hope I have the same sort of relationship with Millie when she grows up.

I wish all the mums out there a very, very happy Mother’s Day but shed a tear for all those people missing their own mums, the mums missing children and the would-be mums struggling to have a baby or whose circumstances prevent them from doing so.

It’s a beautiful day but it also really, really sucks.

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